Its been too long! I received a gentle reminder at a friends celebration of life/memorial, that writing gives me peace and I should do it more often. Thanks Myke, point taken!
SO much has gone on in the last 6 months for me. With everything going on, I felt this strange uneasy feeling. Thinking it was just the stress from work, I ignored it. It came to a point 3 weeks ago where I couldn't sleep and had no appetite,which is the opposite of my stress coping. In an insomniac stupor, I did some research. I felt incredibility unsettled and not of my truth. Everything I found showed that this is indication of a shift. Not in the the typical sense of me having too big a heart and not knowing how to fix things, but cognitive dissonance to the max. I knew something was happening because the last time I felt like this was before Peace Corps. Being the tree huger that I am, the shift made sense. Apparently when these big shifts happen, it means an awakening of some sort. This could spiritually, emotionally, professionally and trigger an incredible amount of personal growth when you get to the other side of it. Getting to the other side is the hard part. I don't know if it was the change in medication, separation of migrant families or my toxic work environment but I knew something was coming. I had been applying to jobs, got offers from some but it wasn't right and my loyalty to the people I worked for became more important than my loyalty to my self. Id love to say that's never happened before, but we know better.
I found a position at a non profit being a resource connector for students, teachers and families - Community School Coordinator to be specific. Instantly, I began crying when I saw the posting. In fairness, I cry when the wind blows but it felt right. I applied reluctantly, not because I didn't want it but because my confidence had been torn down after a failed promotion. But when something is for you, there's nothing you or anyone else can do to keep you from that. I pride myself on hearing God speak but I'm also honest enough to admit that most of the time I am screaming to loud to hear Him. But I heard it very clearly, that it was time for me to leave the job I had. Not only was it becoming toxic and unhealthy but I wasn't using the gifts I was given and my purpose is to work hands on with children and families. I love the ladies I work with and always will, but growth is important and no one should ever feel stifled or be forced to settle. I heard that so clearly, I couldn't ignore it if I tried. I applied for the job I saw and after a 2 interview process I got it. While I was happy, I was so uncertain. Who leaves the cushy job I had to go BACK into the non profit world? They aren't going to pay for school and its a pay cut whats wrong with you? Is the really what God is telling me or am I just looking for a way out?
I love how sometimes God lets me have a pity part and then other times He quiets the storms of my mind so ferociously (# savagejesus). That's the thing I love about my creator and the thing I love about our relationship. He is exactly what I need Him to be every.single.time. It took a lot for me to leave but as soon as I put in my notice, peace washed over me. There are a lot of uncertainties but I still feel peace. It means I made the right decision. He knew I wouldn't leave willingly so He had to push me along a little. While the process hurt, it was needed and I have more clarity and appreciation for the process. I have learned a lot this past year as I started grad school. I can do ANYTHING but I can't do EVERYTHING and my valued and proprieties need to be my guide. The most important lesson is that there is a CLEAR plan over my life. I might not understand it all yet, or even follow the quickest path to get there. The simple glimpses I see of it fill and fuel me and I find so much in taking even a tiny step to finding my truth.
His timing is always perfect, your voice should always be heard and you should always speak life and have life spoken over you.
SO much has gone on in the last 6 months for me. With everything going on, I felt this strange uneasy feeling. Thinking it was just the stress from work, I ignored it. It came to a point 3 weeks ago where I couldn't sleep and had no appetite,which is the opposite of my stress coping. In an insomniac stupor, I did some research. I felt incredibility unsettled and not of my truth. Everything I found showed that this is indication of a shift. Not in the the typical sense of me having too big a heart and not knowing how to fix things, but cognitive dissonance to the max. I knew something was happening because the last time I felt like this was before Peace Corps. Being the tree huger that I am, the shift made sense. Apparently when these big shifts happen, it means an awakening of some sort. This could spiritually, emotionally, professionally and trigger an incredible amount of personal growth when you get to the other side of it. Getting to the other side is the hard part. I don't know if it was the change in medication, separation of migrant families or my toxic work environment but I knew something was coming. I had been applying to jobs, got offers from some but it wasn't right and my loyalty to the people I worked for became more important than my loyalty to my self. Id love to say that's never happened before, but we know better.
I found a position at a non profit being a resource connector for students, teachers and families - Community School Coordinator to be specific. Instantly, I began crying when I saw the posting. In fairness, I cry when the wind blows but it felt right. I applied reluctantly, not because I didn't want it but because my confidence had been torn down after a failed promotion. But when something is for you, there's nothing you or anyone else can do to keep you from that. I pride myself on hearing God speak but I'm also honest enough to admit that most of the time I am screaming to loud to hear Him. But I heard it very clearly, that it was time for me to leave the job I had. Not only was it becoming toxic and unhealthy but I wasn't using the gifts I was given and my purpose is to work hands on with children and families. I love the ladies I work with and always will, but growth is important and no one should ever feel stifled or be forced to settle. I heard that so clearly, I couldn't ignore it if I tried. I applied for the job I saw and after a 2 interview process I got it. While I was happy, I was so uncertain. Who leaves the cushy job I had to go BACK into the non profit world? They aren't going to pay for school and its a pay cut whats wrong with you? Is the really what God is telling me or am I just looking for a way out?
I love how sometimes God lets me have a pity part and then other times He quiets the storms of my mind so ferociously (# savagejesus). That's the thing I love about my creator and the thing I love about our relationship. He is exactly what I need Him to be every.single.time. It took a lot for me to leave but as soon as I put in my notice, peace washed over me. There are a lot of uncertainties but I still feel peace. It means I made the right decision. He knew I wouldn't leave willingly so He had to push me along a little. While the process hurt, it was needed and I have more clarity and appreciation for the process. I have learned a lot this past year as I started grad school. I can do ANYTHING but I can't do EVERYTHING and my valued and proprieties need to be my guide. The most important lesson is that there is a CLEAR plan over my life. I might not understand it all yet, or even follow the quickest path to get there. The simple glimpses I see of it fill and fuel me and I find so much in taking even a tiny step to finding my truth.
His timing is always perfect, your voice should always be heard and you should always speak life and have life spoken over you.
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