Bloom where planted

The universe teaches you major messages in very subtle moments.

As much as 28 has been the year of the adult so far, I have a feeling its the year of self as well. When thinking about how I wanted this yr to be, I wanted a solid foundation and I wanted to focus more on me. Is that selfish, yes! Yes it is. Its important to be selfish sometimes and I'm realizing that. I can't be the woman I want to be and the woman everyone expects me to be without taking care of myself. That may seem selfish to some but I deserve a chance to put myself first for a change. I've been feeling this way for a while but I had a major realization today as I was getting ready for my weekly Sunday Nap.

Sunday is my favorite day. I don't have to work, I sometimes meet friends for brunch, I get to cuddle with Rue and take naps and its VENUE day. I've officially been going to my church for a yr. Exactly 1 yr ago: I got a new car, I got a puppy, I got a new job and I started going to this amazing church where the pastor actually talks about living your fullest life and not how you can be happy once you get to heaven but how bring heaven to your life. And a year later, I'm a home owner. Really big changes. Mostly changes that are "uncharacteristic" of who I thought I was and what others expected of me. I'm realizing that who I know I am and who others make me out to be are two very different people. Both great in their own right. I've always felt myself to be free spirited, happy, a go with the flow sort of person. Which is what others see as well. There is also the side of me who is extremely introverted
 (ambivert really), reflective and feels things very deeply. I'm not happy all the time, I'm human. sometimes I am quiet, because I'm probably plotting something or singing a song in my head. I can be on when I need to be but most of the time I rather read books, drink wine and take a nap.  As free spirited as I am,  I also crave and thrive off stability. I never knew why that was so important, until my nap time realization today.

The universe (God, Jah... call It what you want) and I have our moments. After realizing that this time last yr was when the shift toward consistency and solid foundations really began, I started to think of the "bloom where you're planted" quote. So cliche' but so relevant. My aloe plant is doing awesome in the new house. Same pot, but in a new spot by the window. The aloe has a spot where its getting everything it needs so of course its going to grow- and ready to be replanted again.  It hit me, I'm like that aloe. I'm in a place in my life where I'm getting most of what I need. I'm starting a career, I feel positive about the season that I'm coming into despite some difficult lessons along the way. Its as if the universe was preparing me for this "blooming" season. How can the universe/ God give me the tools I need to help me grow into the person I'm suppose to be if I'm so inconsistent? Its almost as if God was trying to send me a gift but didn't know where to send it because I was all over the place mentally, spiritually and physically. Queen of abstract analogies but I do feel like I got it today. I didn't know why God/universe wanted me here. I knew there was a reason but I was looking for something "bigger". Maybe its for school, or a partner or another job down the road. That may be part of it, but there is a bigger reason. No plant will grow without solid roots, and I have solid roots here. Not even considering the fact that I grew up here. I have brand new connections and friends that I didn't have before and I'm not the same girl as I was when I graduated high school- thank goodness- and its time to come into my own here. This was the place I am supposed to be for this season of my life and I get it.

Its pretty awesome when you have an " I get it" moment with the universe. I don't have to stifle myself because of the past and misconceptions. I can stand firm in the fact that I know who I am... or getting closer to knowing exactly who I am. I always dreaded staying home because I felt people would judge me because of my past. But if they are that preoccupied with the little girl I was in high school... then who really has the issue here?

There's more layers to the "blooming " part and more aspects of me that need work but I feel good about this season of my life. I know growth is coming because I now understand its ok to content in a season without being stagnant. I also now realize that its ok to work on me because that gets me closer to being the person that everyone "needs" me to be.

Speaking of all this growth and blooming, I hope my hair grows fast because I chopped it all off and I miss it already! There's levels to this growth thing

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28: year of the adult!

You would think that since I deleted Facebook, I would be a bit better about updating my blog. One of my personal goals this year- stay attached and connected.... when I want to. Lots has happen since I wrote last yr, indicated by the ice cream truck outside my HOUSE! Yup, I bought a house.  No more basements for me. 28 has been and interesting year already. I've only been 28 for 2 mos and I've changed my view on relationships, completed my 1 yr anniversary with my job and I bought a house. For someone who is - dare I say has a phobia of commitment, 2 out of the 3 of those are pretty major to me. Notice how I'm avoiding that relationship one, Yup, still avoiding.

It's really strange to see where I am compared to 3 yrs ago, travelling through Africa ending a 2 yr Peace Corps stint. The girl who traveled on a whim and always had a bag packed is finally grounded. For the past year I've wanted a sense of stability, but I've always felt like it wasn't meant for me or a part of who I am. Since turning 18, I haven't stayed anywhere longer than 2 yrs. Even in College, I was in DC more than I was in Maryville or Chattanooga. The plan was always to finish School and move to DC. Peace Corps happened but the plan was still to move to DC once I was done. Of course plans change and life takes unexpected detours but I have a strange sense of peace about staying in my home town. My parents are here and after 2 yrs of only seeing them in pictures and countless Sunday night missed calls, I feel like I need to be here. I could look at it different ways and say that I'm finally not running anymore. I always traveled- even in the states- to get away from something. Maybe to get away of the perception that people had of me. As much as I have a free spirit and a head constantly in the clouds, people have this idea that I have it all together. Hardly.  I traveled because other countries live the simple life. No student loans, no mortgage payments, no time crunches or deadlines but for this season of my life, this is where I need to be.  My pastor- that's strange to, but that's a topic for another day- talked about being content in your season while knowing it will change. He also talked about how God places you right where you need to be for a reason. Nothing is by accident and everything is a part of a bigger plan. I know that I am here for a reason, its just finding that reason. I do feel like I am in a different season. A season to focus on me and my goals. A season to no longer have a contradictory perception of myself but to become who I know I am. My new year's word for 2015 is AWAKENING. I feel like there is a lot of good things in the works for me this year, but this yr is really about coming into my own and realizing who I am and getting closer to who I'm meant to be.