It's been almost 2yrs since I've written a blog entry. Just in time for my 27th birthday. A lot has happened in 2 yrs., well.... duh. I guess the major thing is coming back home. After my 2year stint in Peace Corps Zambia, I guess I'm finally settled back into the Americaland way of life...kinda. Reverse culture shock is as bad as it sounds and will knock even the strongest of people flat on their ass. I fell victim to the slump. Constantly living in a state of nostalgia and longing for something so real yet imaginary. I still feel conflicted and almost trapped in a life that only few people can really understand. Even after 2yrs of being back "home", I'm reluctant to tell people about my life in Zambia. There's a strange dichotomy
between being proud of the life you once led and barely believing it yourself. As much as I try to be "normal" again, as if I was ever normal to begin with, Zambia is a part of me. More than a tourist attraction, Zambia has my heart in a way I never thought possible. So instead of trying to "move on" from it like a bad relationship, I'll embrace it as a new found part of me.
With that said, one of the biggest struggles I've had since being back home is finding balance. A balance between knowing better and wanting more. A balance between who I am, who I was and who I long to be. Balance between simplicity and gratitude. I'm getting better. After a year back, I finally let my parents buy me a microwave. I figured that since I lived without one in Zambia for 2 yrs, I really didn't need one in America, right? WRONG! I'm glad I got over that one. It's hard to explain living without to a society defined by instant gratification. It's hard to explain gratitude to a culture so focused on wanting more. Most of all its hard to live in balance between the two worlds. So in an attempt to find balance and clarity, I figured I would start writing again.
Every year instead of making a New Year's resolution, I pick a word that I want the year to embody. 2010 was progression, 2011 was balance, 2012 was something along the lines of strength and last yr. was something along the lines of self/enough. This year I picked the word: CLARITY.
Does this mean in the next year I'll answer all of life's probing questions...please. But it does mean that I will make a conscious effort to gain insight and discover my own truth. I'm only 27 days in but I feel like this is my year, as cliché as it is. I've already had a major realization that has altered the way I look at worth, honesty and relationships. As harsh as it was, I needed it. And I'm beyond grateful for the lesson.
So as I plunge further into the quarter life, I refuse to be stressed out or depressed by it. Instead here's my attempt to make the most of it. Sure, there will no doubt be some late night tattoo/piercing sessions, bad life choices and glitter dance parties along the way. But.... here's my attempt to find clarity in the quarter life.
With that said, one of the biggest struggles I've had since being back home is finding balance. A balance between knowing better and wanting more. A balance between who I am, who I was and who I long to be. Balance between simplicity and gratitude. I'm getting better. After a year back, I finally let my parents buy me a microwave. I figured that since I lived without one in Zambia for 2 yrs, I really didn't need one in America, right? WRONG! I'm glad I got over that one. It's hard to explain living without to a society defined by instant gratification. It's hard to explain gratitude to a culture so focused on wanting more. Most of all its hard to live in balance between the two worlds. So in an attempt to find balance and clarity, I figured I would start writing again.
Every year instead of making a New Year's resolution, I pick a word that I want the year to embody. 2010 was progression, 2011 was balance, 2012 was something along the lines of strength and last yr. was something along the lines of self/enough. This year I picked the word: CLARITY.
Does this mean in the next year I'll answer all of life's probing questions...please. But it does mean that I will make a conscious effort to gain insight and discover my own truth. I'm only 27 days in but I feel like this is my year, as cliché as it is. I've already had a major realization that has altered the way I look at worth, honesty and relationships. As harsh as it was, I needed it. And I'm beyond grateful for the lesson.
So as I plunge further into the quarter life, I refuse to be stressed out or depressed by it. Instead here's my attempt to make the most of it. Sure, there will no doubt be some late night tattoo/piercing sessions, bad life choices and glitter dance parties along the way. But.... here's my attempt to find clarity in the quarter life.
No comments:
Post a Comment